a journey

03.06.07

I wanted to see the world. From up there, the highest peak, every tiny visible area looked a picturesque landscape, a perfect dream destination. So I thought why not take a closer look, and I jumped off the cliff.

Ahh!!! Don’t worry! Nothing was going to hurt me, nothing was going to break me. I wouldn’t bleed, or cry in pain, because there wasn’t going to be any injury, any pain to me. I was never going to be influenced by any emotions too. Why? You are reading my journey.. I am a stone… a stone’s journey!

A stone that is hard, that is tough, that do not have a heart, and do not feel anything, in love(I know stone cant know what love is..) with the beauty I saw from the top f the cliff I ran out to… he he feel the beauty. Whatever you say one knows what one can feel and how much one can be hurt.

As I jumped, I felt the strong breeze against myself, but then for sometime I floated in a vacuum where I did not have any control on myself too. After moments of the slow motion suddenly gained speed, and before could understand anything, hit a big rock n the edge and off went a corner of me breaking away.

I didn’t stop there, in fact I just couldn’t, bouncing I went down again and the same action kept repeating.. hitting.. bouncing.. floating…. And just when I would gain momentum hit again and each time some small part of me departed crashing on the rock. This went on until I landed on a flat surface something of a soil kind, softer that neither broke me nor bounced me but just took me fast sloping down on its body so I went rolling down..

Who says I don’t feel? I did feel the softness and the warmth of the soil and felt it so intensely after the hard hitting rocks. That was a beauty in itself, a beautiful feeling..

Rolling down my love of that moment, I opened my eyes and glanced around me. Everything that had looked so tiny for years, had taken a giant form. And then I looked at myself, Ha! What have I become? Almost all my older corners had vanished and some totally new edges had formed on me. Well as no heart no feeling you would say a stone has no shape too. Right! This one I accept. I had no shape… nothing constant!

Well you tell me which part of this entire landscape has a constant shape? Wind, trees, leaves, water, mud, mountains, clouds, birds, animals…. Human being…. Nothing! Change is everything! The essence of creation, the only purpose the creator gave us all! Keep changing! Keep moving!

And so did I! I kept moving observing everything around closely. Now somehow I had decided upon a destination… I wanted to reach the river. That I saw from years. Don’t know how… so I kept moving.

Just when I saw a small steam ahead, I started fast approaching it, but the hell I got stuck. Yeah! Stuck in something – yellow and white in colour. I just couldn’t move.. Tried figuring out what it was, but had never seen such thing before. Just like me it no definite shape and structure. And it would sound a joke to you, it smelled bad.. really bad. You would laugh at me saying – stones do not smell!

I started finding a way out, couldn’t bear that odour anymore, so looked around and found there were so many such kinds of things all over the place- in blue, black white and soon.. all sorts of colours. But what are they? From mountain tops I could never see them. They made the beautiful and my ideal landscape look ugly. But while traveling along how I didn’t notice it and got so crazily stuck. Hmm.. I know. I had set all my eyes on my destination – the river, so I couldn’t notice what all was on the way. And the tall trees, the colourful flowers, the various shaped branches and leaves, the sweet birds all up there took away my attention from the ground.

My destination was so near to me and here I was stuck. I had no option but to wait. It started getting dark, even cool and it was so romantic to see the moon with the borders of trees, never seen it that way. Everything was so beautiful except this smelly unbearable thing! Was this really a pert of the nature- my beautiful landscape? I don’t know. I want to get out of it. Just then something touched me.. something cold, gentle that initially ticked me. He he. But then it started rising high and in sometime over me. Ohh! This is water! The flow of the stream had increased and the waters had reached me. In some more minutes there I was flowing in it, with that ugly thing and finally some moments later I was out of it. It went flowing fast away from me to the other end. Finally I felt free and so happy! Yes I know stones do not have emotions, they cannot be happy!


In that dark I don’t know how much and where was I traveling. But just made sure that I kept moving in the current of the water. Along with the water I was feeling touch of many hard things also. There were some new sounds there – insects leaves, and some known ones as the sounds we stones could make I guess. Okay the hard things around me were other many stones flowing that time with me. I had a company. I said them hello in the dark, introduced myself, but there was no reply. Unknowingly I started sharing my experiences in this journey and waited to hear their experiences but – no response, fine.. stones do not convey, do not communicate, they do not share. They are dumb and deaf things that do not feel. HAPPY!

So I did shut up and moved on. As it started getting brighter, I understood the sun was approaching. I loved seeing the morning and evening sun from the cliff, but from here there were so many obstacles, tried jumping to have a look but all useless. Just then I remembered that I didn’t even see the setting sun yesterday.. forgot that thing entirely in my so called thrilling journey. A few sunrays then fell on the waters and everything shined in that gold poured out all around.

I thought how wonderful this life is! Stones do not have a life!! Well, how beautiful this moment is then! Fine? Just keep floating in the water. Keep going where it takes you. Where does it finally reach do not know.. might the huge water body far away that I used to see with small eyes from up there. And as I was thinking this I started feeling lots of hindrances in my floating. I felt as if the water was leaving me away, and indeed it was. Where? I mean where are you going and why not taking me with you? I thing it was bidding me a bye and saying you will have to wait for another tide. And yes water left me! Alone!

Alone? But was I alone? Here I was among hundreds, no thousands no crores of stones, like me… shapeless and as you say heartless on the open banks of the river. Now I looked at my shape and what I see, much o my edges had become blunt. The softness of the river must have transformed my hard edges a little softer like itself. Anyways I loved all this for some time, that two or three stones around me started chatting with me. But I watch closely – I see all of us the same here, with no identity, with no dream, we are just like we have been, like each other and will always be… waiting here till another current washes us away with it, taking us somewhere we have never been and tomorrow leave us at some other part of the beautiful landscape. There is no vision to this journey, I am like everyone!

Yes I accept stones do not have an identity. They shouldn’t or cannot dream. Stones do not have visions! What about u? humans? Do you have a vision? Or are you STONES in your WORLD?

a landscape still so fresh...

A landscape still so fresh in my mind. Not any painter’s masterpiece with snow clad mountains, perfect blue sky, long pine trees, at a scenic riverside. It was a landscape that was much warmer and became very close to my heart.

Where should I start? All right, not a perfect blue sky, actually almost half hidden sky behind the thousands of leaves – the chickoo tree leaves. Quiet secluded place, where the only live witnesses were the rustling leaves and the whispering breeze – together creating a romantic harmony. While the rustling leaves formed the music, the whisper of the mischievous breeze composed some invisible notes, for sure some most romantic ones. Along with the sky, only very few rays of the sun reached the earth there through the thick web of the leaves.

So many days have passed by since the last time I visited there yet I can hear those notes, feel the warmth of the few sunrays, and smile as I go back in my relished memories – since it was there that I smiled the most beautiful smiles of my life…

Wherever you see you could only find some shades of green and brown colour. Though not really romantic colours yet together they all created a magical harmony….

….For the real colours of love to blossom…

some moments i paused

In this evening silence… this noise distracts anyone’s quiet thoughts. The continuous grrr… peeeeeeps…….. of cars and yeah not forgetting the people, trying to reach home… pushing everyone around, the chit chat of the entire day, the fights of the tired bodies seem so natural to every ears.

Who can hear the chirping of birds returning home? Who ca feel the breeze that is cooling down after the day full of scorching heat? Who can remember to see the beauty of the setting sun after the entire day of work? Me too, one of all these humans, is remembering all this first time, since the first day of my job, it is a day of joy after a long time that I am seeing the evening.

Evenings have always been beautiful just as it is today. But amidst the crowd I can only feel the heat, the smoke, irritation and the noise. Cool breeze, picturesque landscape, harmonious sounds, and evening colours, are all spread out there but are still far away from me … my soul. Mind is crowded with thoughts of the entire day, did I do the right, was it fine enough…..

But after a journey of a few minutes, the crowding thoughts have passed away and now my mind has taken a rest from all this crap. It is slowly retreating in a world that I love experiencing on the evenings I get to see. Now the far away beauties are coming near! I still among the crowd… am feeling the cool quiet breeze. The noises aren’t affecting my quiet mind now. That’s the best thing about a mind. Me, sitting in one place in this bus, and my mind, it is wandering all over.

It is flying with the birds singing their tunes, in the caressing arms of the pleasant breeze, it is breathing the fresh air, sensing the romance in the evening colours painted on the sky. It is even wishing a bye bye to the setting sun. An imaginary sun. Minds can see the sunrise the sunset even when our eyes cannot!

And thanks to my nomadic mind I am realizing that my destination has alreadry come and I have to hurry… jump out of the bus at the last minute. To find what… hey it is drizzling.. in the mid summer!... he he ha ha ha.. might be the nature wants my mind to get the complete experience of a sweet evening.

Well I’ll have to rush home. First I have things that I do not want to spoil, and second need to put a full stop to my wandering mind. Alright here’s the full stop and getting back to the routine chores… well not the drab ones. Rather some romantic some lovely ones as my love is at home…

i stopped and wondered...

i stopped and wondered…
in so many years that passed…
that i lived,
i had never stopped ..

i had never wondered..

i had just went on living life..
living each day as it comes.
now i stopped and wondered..
wondered what had i done..
where was the me standing..

and from where the present i was seeing the me..
had i lost the me completely,
or still some traces of me were left with the i..

i wondered from where the life led it…
to which place it had reached ..
in this journey the i forgot something ,
remembered a little ..
a little of me.. and a little of her..
her… don’t you wonder who her...

her is the one who lived the i and the me as a child,
a child who lived… who merried a long long time back..
the carefree, merry, purest soul…
the me left the her back as the years made her the me..
the me who lived some conscious.. romantic times,
with caring friends, daring dreams, aspiring soul,
hmm… that the me lost in the times and tides of life
… and so me became the i
i went on living the life.. the day as it comes,
i wonder now what would be the next transformation…
what the life has in store for the i..
hope it would not become a you
or worst.. something nothing
let the I be I for the whatever life is remaining..
because still the i have some traces of the me and the her…
cause still the i merries like her
and the i romances like the me..
but time never allowed to stop and wonder..
to go back in memories and never will
but now i stop and wonder..
don’t want to go back..
i just want to live with me and her…!